Feeling Empty

Usually when I leave something behind that I’ve been clinging to for a long time such as a habit or a potential relationship, I get a feeling of emptiness inside. That emptiness, I think, represents the unknown and a lack of security. I may think – how on earth am I now going to manage on this Earth when I cannot do x or without y? I may have been doing it all my life until now and now suddenly I have to continue living normally when I don’t have that?

The good news is that that emptiness can be refilled – refilled with something infinitely more positive (if I choose it to be). If I acknowledge and accept the emptiness for what it is, and (albeit somewhat anxiously) continue with my life, then from that emptiness will be born a new sense of confidence, self-esteem, strength and security. Although it may not feel like that now, that hole will be filled by me continuing through life without being dependent on what I’ve let go of.

It’s not easy though. Depending on how addictive it was or how attached I was, the hole can be deep. Very deep. It may seem unfillable. It can lead to a feeling of despair when I look at that deep pit inside me and just wonder – how could life be as great as it was before? The challenge now is to continue, despite all those feelings. Instead of perhaps turning to another addictive habit or unhealthy relationship, acknowledge that pit inside you and continue with it for a while. It takes a lot of courage, as you are venturing into the unknown – and fighting past an illusion that tells you that you will never be fulfilled without finding content within something or someone.

Acknowledging that hole allows it to be filled with meaning – and a greater motivation for life. It gives space for another, hidden part of you to reveal itself. It’s growing up in the fullest sense. There’s no doubt at all that this hole will be painful to walk around with for a while – weeks or months. But giving up is basically giving in to despair – and this is something we have to walk past without paying it mind if we want to grow in a true, meaningful way.

That which you let go of, the way I see it, can really be anything – a personality you want to drop, coming to terms with the fact you lost one of your limbs even, the death of a family member. All feel like you’ve lost a part of yourself. Continuing despite the loss allows a sense of growth, confidence and independence to be born in its place. It does however take a little faith in a future that feels deeply uncertain – but only by venturing with head held high (don’t worry, it is scary and painful so don’t be too hard on yourself) into the unknown do you discover new dimensions of self.